


Anything At All

by aron_kristina



Category: Sarah Jane Adventures
Genre: Apocalypse, Community: Apocabigbang, Multi, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-20
Updated: 2011-04-20
Packaged: 2017-10-18 10:12:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/187799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aron_kristina/pseuds/aron_kristina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the way it happens: one moment the electrical power is working fine; the next moment it's not.<br/>A love story set during the apocalypse, starring a boy genius and his awesome sidekicks, with supporting cast by a depressed supercomputer and a supremely unhelpful Time Lord.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the second round of Apocabigbang. Beta by C.
> 
> [Check out the art post](http://chibifukurou.livejournal.com/40510.html) by chibifukurou.

 

0

This is the way it happens: one moment the electrical power is working fine; the next moment it's not.

They think it's just a power outage at the beginning, who wouldn't, and they curl up in front of a fire, wrapped in blankets. It's not all that cold, really, but it is still Britain, even if it's April, so it's not very warm either. Rani thinks they should toast marshmallows, but they don't have any.

"Mum says they get stuck in her teeth, and it wasn't exactly the first thing I thought to buy when I got here", Luke says.

"That's because you don't know what to do with them", Clyde says, and leers, and Luke doesn't really get what he means. Oh, he gets that it's something dirty, he just doesn't get what you could do especially with marshmallows.

"Clyde, stop it", Rani says, longsuffering, and Clyde grabs her. They wrestle until they end up in a pile, making out. Luke looks away, not really knowing if he's being polite or just a prude.

They go to bed, all of them in Sarah Jane's double bed, and it should probably be weird, sleeping in the same bed as his two best friends, who are also shagging (but thankfully not right now), but Luke feels safe like this, Rani in the middle of him and Clyde, being able to hear both of them breathing.

The electricity still hasn't come back.

  
1

When there's still no power in the morning Luke turns on Mr. Smith. He has a reserve generator, so it's no problem, really, except Mr. Smith doesn't know what's going on.

"I can't access the Internet", he says, and when Luke tries to ask what that means, exactly, Mr. Smith claims he needs to save power and turns himself off. Luke pretends it doesn't worry him.

Rani and Clyde are cooking. Clyde decided they should have a barbecue, so they've taken the meat that was in the now non-functional fridge and Clyde is standing around claiming he's the master of the barbered while Rani does most of the work. Some of their neighbors are out in their gardens. So far no one seems to be worried, so Luke decidedly isn't worried either, even though his magical alien-enhanced brain tries to tell him something’s really wrong.

They end up inviting some people over, since the meat is going to get bad if it's not eaten. Some people bring more meat, and sausages, and beer, even if the beer would technically keep. Luke gets pleasantly buzzed and pretends not to notice Clyde and Rani sneaking off to get down and dirty in his room. One of the girls from two houses down hits on him, but he's just... too worried.

  
2

Luke gets up early, Clyde and Rani passed out and wrapped around each other, and goes to talk to Mr. Smith. He doesn't want to answer at first, but Luke threatens him with a screwdriver, and Mr. Smith gives in.

"I can't access the Internet. Every other computer on Earth seems turned off", he says, and he even sounds a bit worried.

"What do you mean, turned off?" Luke asks, waving the screwdriver around. Mr. Smith's screen turns yellow for a while, which it has never done before.

"I mean I can access the satellites orbiting the earth, but I can't contact any other computers."

"Pull up a satellite image of the earth", Luke demands. Mr. Smith is silent. The screen goes yellow again.

"Do it!" Luke yells, and Mr. Smith does.

*

When Clyde and Rani come down for breakfast Luke is already smashed, way on his way to alcohol poisoning.

  
3

Luke has the hangover of his life the next day. He focuses on that, thinks about how much his head hurts, how he smells like sick and how he's gross. When Clyde drags him to the shower he almost wants to cry, because being clean means he will feel better, and feeling better means more brain capacity to... No. Not going there.

When Clyde has smacked him around enough that he agrees to get dressed and come eat with them Luke has calculated the area of the house, and the volume, and then the volume of everything in the house, including the thickness of the walls, so he knows how much air there is in the house, and how many percent of it each room contains. He's just about to start multiplying the air with π when he goes into the kitchen.

"What's wrong, Luke?" Rani asks, just like that, no good morning or anything, and Luke loses his numbers.

"Nothing", he mumbles, and sits down to eat bread and undercooked eggs, because the fireplace isn't really made for boiling stuff. Clyde and Rani stare at him through breakfast, but he doesn't say anything. When he's sat long enough for it to maybe look less suspicious he leaves, puts on his running shoes and starts running.

When he gets back every part of his body aches, and he doesn't have enough energy to count out the square root of the length of the run, so he figures he'll be fine for a while.

  
4

The problem with being really smart is that you tend to underestimate other people. When Luke wakes up he's alone in the bed. He doesn't have to think for long before realizing that the only place Clyde and Rani could possibly be is the attic. When he gets up there he finds Rani crying into Clyde's arms, and Clyde is not looking to hot himself. Luke sits down on the stairs. He feels like he's going to break in two, this wasn't ever a possibility and he just has no plan for it. He feels useless, and he doesn't like it.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Clyde asks, and Luke has no idea what to say. Clyde sounds small, terrified, and Luke should be the one to fix this, but he can't, he can just look at Clyde helplessly. Clyde tightens his grip on Rani, and she sniffles. They sit in silence. Luke wishes his mom was here, but she's half a world away in Japan, and there's no way to contact her now. Not even her sonic can help with this.

"Can't you, I don't know, call the doctor?" Rani asks, and Luke brightens. Yes, that's it! Call the doctor. Mr. Smith has his number, and if anyone can fix this, it's him.

"Mr. Smith, we need you", Luke says, and it's a testament to his newfound enthusiasm that he almost doesn't notice the lack of fanfare. Almost. There's something tired about Mr. Smith, something hard to define but still there.

"Luke, I'm almost out of power", is the first thing he says, and his voice sounds deeper somehow.

"We just need you to contact the doctor", Luke says, quickly, and Mr. Smith calls. It goes to voice-mail, so Luke records a short message (have crisis, please help) and then Mr. Smith turns himself off again. Luke sits down on the steps again.

"What now", Clyde asks.

"We wait", Luke answers. But he can't sit down and wait, it's not what he's made for. He starts poking around in the attic, picking up bits and pieces, and starts tinkering with them. Rani comes up and looks at what he's doing, but then she decides he's probably building a non-electrical tea kettle, and goes to sit down again. Actually, a tea kettle sounds like a good idea, maybe that's what he should do next.

Clyde and Rani eventually leave him, probably to go shag again, but Luke stays in the attic until Rani comes to get him, demanding that he come to bed. He reluctantly leaves his work, he's almost there, just a little bit more and it'd be finished, but she's waiting for him, looking impatient, and he goes with her. He actually sleeps pretty well, all things considered.

  
5

The next day Luke goes up to the attic before breakfast, and only pauses when Clyde brings him a sandwich, eating it in three large bites before going back to his work. Rani and Clyde know better than to disturb him, not that he gets mad or anything, he just has trouble focusing on anything else than his engineering when he's got a new project. He makes some false starts, but by lunch he's finished and he goes down to eat with them.

"So, what did you make, genius?" Clyde asks.

"A solar panel for Mr. Smith", Luke replies, noticing that the bottled water in the pantry is running low.

"To recharge his battery?" Rani says. "That's, that's really good." She smiles, but it's bleak, and Luke decides not to bring up the water issue. Not to mention the food. They're going to run low soon, unless the Doctor shows up, and you never know with him. He might come a year late.

"Yeah, thought I might see if I can boost his batteries too, make them hold power better", he says, thinking of all the stuff he has to do to keep them alive. It's strangely comforting, thinking about that instead of why he has to do it.

After lunch he goes out into the garden, looking in the shed for buckets and that big oil drum he knows is there somewhere. Clyde comes out to help him and without a word they drag all the stuff they can find that could hold water out into the garden. They place them strategically under the downspouts to make it as effective as possible. The sun is shining down on them, merciless, but this is England and sooner or later it's going to rain. Luke thinks he sees Rani in the window briefly, but he's not sure, and when he looks back she's gone.

Luke spends the rest of the day poking around the insides and electrical inlets of Mr. Smith. It's not his area of expertise, he's more of the build stuff kind of engineer, but he can probably manage an update or two. If the solar panels are working as well as he thinks he can probably get Mr. Smith to help himself tomorrow or so. He thinks about setting up a wind turbine also, but it's not the most important thing right now, so he discards the idea.

When he takes a break he finds Clyde and Rani on the sofa, reading books about gardening that they found God knows where. Maybe his mum had them somewhere, her garden was after all a bit of her pride.

"Hi, guys", he says as he sits down opposite them. "What are you doing?"

"You're not the only one who can help", Rani says, and she seems to have gotten over her little breakdown, because the note of steel her voice gets when faced with problems is back.

"I never said that", Luke says, not really sure what she's talking about.

"We're gonna grow vegetables", Clyde says, and Luke just stares at him. "You know, food? Grows in the ground? Good for your health?"

"I know what vegetables are, Clyde", Luke snaps. "Why are you growing them?" Rani looks at him like he's the stupidest person in the universe, and maybe he is.

"Why did you put up all the buckets?" she asks, her tone making it clear that she knows exactly why.

"We don't know if..." Luke starts to say, but Rani shakes her head.

"I'd rather be prepared for the possibility", she says, and that's apparently that.

*

Later at night, in bed, they hear people on the streets. It sounds like a riot, something you’d hear on the news or see in movies, shouting, breaking glass. The doors are all locked, and they can only hope no one tries to break in through the windows.

  
6

Luke and Mr. Smith spend the next morning making improvements to the solar panels Luke set up. He finds a way to make Mr. Smith use less energy, by giving him a power saving mode, when they don't need his entire capacity. It's not ideal, but it's something. He pulls up new satellite pictures, but nothing has changed, so he pretends he hasn't seen them. Still black, like the silver filigree that used to be the power lines has melted off. There are other anomalies, except for the obvious ones, and Luke makes a mental note to check them out when he's not feeling so... whatever he's feeling. There's no sign of the Doctor, and when he tries to call again there's just the voice mail.

*

Outside Rani and Clyde are tearing up the flower beds and the lawn, and if Luke's mom was here she'd be upset, he thinks. Maybe. The garden had been safe from the rioters, and there are no people outside now, that Luke can see.

He's got no idea how to grow vegetables, so he doesn't join them, just watches them work from the window in the attic. It looks like at least Rani knows what she's doing, if the confident way she handles her tools is anything to go by. Luke feels a strange sense of detachment, watching them. He wants, needs, to keep them safe, they're his best friends, but at the same time he's so removed from them. It's like when he first moved in here, started to live with Sarah Jane, when he didn't know anything about how the universe worked. He's not good at that practical stuff, like growing vegetables or cooking or really anything. Sure, he can build solar panels from random stuff, but you can't eat batteries. And Clyde and Rani have this connection, they are both so much better at being human than he is. He might be a bit jealous of them for that.

It's like humans have this built in crisis mode, where they can just focus and get through, ignore things that will make them more upset. Luke is not good at that, not at all. He has to work at not thinking about it, has to distract himself with other things, and he never forgets. That's why he knows that those anomalies on the satellite photos are power plants, and why he knows how long it will take before all the available food in Britain is either eaten or has been spoiled. And how long a human being can go without food.

He doesn't know how many casualties there will be if he doesn't fix this, because there are variables he doesn't know, but even the low estimates he makes are horrifying. He doesn't want to be someone who knows this. He doesn't want to be the person who has to stand by, helpless, while people die. It's not what Sarah Jane taught him, but he is powerless to stop it. Mr. Smith is no help. He wishes his mum were around. She would know what to do. He deliberately doesn't think of the general food supply in Japan.

After lunch, which is not helping him stop thinking about warehouses and how much there can be stored in them, Rani makes him come outside and help. She gives him a shovel and tells him to dig. Having someone boss him around for a bit helps Luke relax, and the hard work of tearing up Sarah Jane's almost perfect lawn is something to focus on that isn't the population of Britain.

In the evening they actually inspect everything that's in the house and could possibly be eaten. Rani is in charge, not, as she says, because she's necessarily any good at this, but because Clyde and Luke are bound to be so much worse. Luke does a quick estimate and figures they have enough food for two weeks, if they try not to eat too much. Water is more of a problem, but if it rains soon it'll be fine. Luke doesn't think he's ever prayed for bad weather as hard as he does then.

*

He can't sleep at night. Clyde and Rani are tangled together on the bed, and Rani is snoring slightly. He feels like he's choking, he can't even think properly and he flees to his old room. In there it's not much better. Some of his stuff is still there, and his bed, of course, but nothing that matters to him is actually in there anymore. Everything that matters is asleep in Sarah Jane's room, or in Japan. Or possibly dead, but he tries not to think about that. Tries. He briefly considers going to the attic to see if the porn Clyde downloaded is still there (he will not admit to helping, cheering him on or choosing any of the stuff, not even under pain of death), but he doesn't want to deal with Mr. Smith's depressive moods. That yellow tone on his interface is still there, even if the usual weird swirly stuff is back.

On the list of stuff he's not thinking about is that maybe the reason that Mr. Smith is down is not only the fact that Sarah Jane is stuck in Japan, but also the fact that K9 is stuck in Japan. No one really gets their relationship, and Luke hasn't asked, even if Rani and Clyde egged him on, claiming scientific interest. He doesn't want to know how robot dogs have sex with sentient computers. If they even have sex. Which he doesn't want to know either.

He curls up in the bed and tries to sleep again. In the distance there is shouting and loud bangs. It's cold and lonely, but he does fall asleep eventually.

  
7

In the morning he wakes from a heavy weight falling on him. He pushes at it and hears Clyde's voice.

"Hey, emo kid, what are you doing here all by yourself?" Clyde has sort of draped himself all over Luke and pushing him doesn't make him move.

"I wanted to be alone for a while", Luke says, implication heavy in his voice despite the fact that nothing happened.

"I hope you washed up after", Clyde says, making himself more comfortable on top of Luke.

"I didn't", Luke says.

"Gross", Clyde says idly. He picks at Luke's comforter. "How's it going?" he asks, and the tone of his voice lets Luke know he is really asking.

"I'm fine", Luke says, looking at the wall.

"Yeah, you're real fine, you are", Clyde says, but he doesn't say anything more. After a while he gets up, and kisses Luke quickly on the mouth before leaving. Luke lies in bed for half an hour after that, not thinking about Clyde and absolutely not avoiding his friends.

*

When he finally wanders out of bed he goes straight to the attic. He doesn't turn Mr. Smith on or anything, he just hangs around and pretends his life isn't fucking weird. It's always been weird, and sometimes scary, but he thinks this kind of weird is the weird you don't come back from. This kind of scary and crazy that's going to change him forever, and he doesn't know if he can take that. He's just starting to figure out who he is, and now he doesn't know anymore. Who is he without electrical power, without the Internet. Who is he if he can no longer buy his food in the store or drive his car. He's not even sure he wants to know. Maybe he is going crazy, he doesn't have anything left to think about to stop himself from thinking about it. The collapse of the western world. The collapse of all economies. How many people are going to die? He doesn't even want to estimate, but he can't help himself, and the numbers are large. Astronomical. The only people who will come out of this more or less intact are the people in rural areas. Some parts of Africa, some parts of Asia, some parts of South America. Only those places with basic agriculture.

He stays in the attic. Rani comes up and sits with him a while, hugs him and holds him close, but he can't even make himself talk to her.

  
10

He's not been down from the attic. The bucket he's using for loo is stinking up the place but he can't make himself care. He should go down and empty it in the hole Clyde and Rani made in the garden, but he can't make himself. Rani has been up with water twice, and Clyde once. It's rained, so the water is rainwater, and it tastes different, but not bad. Clyde came up with some food too, and Luke made himself eat, because he knows how little they have and how little they can afford to throw out. Both Rani and Clyde have hugged him, held him, cuddled him. Both of them tried to get some response out of him, but he can't. He just can't. He doesn't want to die, but he doesn't know how to live like this.

  
11

Luke is lying down on the small bit of lawn that survived Rani and Clyde's gardening project. It's sunny once again, and he's actually feeling pretty good. All things considered. Which in reality means he doesn't feel like there is a large hole inside him any longer, just a medium sized hole. Rani and Clyde are poking around the vegetable patch, and they're not even bugging him to come help. He hears their voices in the background, and it's soothing. Coming down from the attic was probably the best thing Luke ever did.

There is a weird smell in the air, like decay, but not. It’s not very pleasant, but if he turns his head toward the grass he can’t smell it so much anymore.

After a while Rani and Clyde are finished with whatever it was they did, and come to lie down on either side of him. Rani lies half on top of him, hugging him, and Clyde is resting one of his hands on Luke's chest. Luke feels good, sheltered and protected. Then Clyde starts stroking his chest and it's less soothing and more... awkward. Not because it doesn't feel nice but because it feels nice. Very nice. Rani starts touching him too, and it's too much. He sits up abruptly, making Rani roll off him.

"I'm going inside", he says, and neither of them protests. He thinks that they know, and he thinks they're going to try to wear him down, but he doesn't want to be their pity fuck, and he doesn't want this to be some kind of 'oh my God, it's the apocalypse, we're going to die'-deal either, so he goes inside, to his old room, and he jerks off. He bites his arm to keep quiet, small desperate sounds want to come out, and it's so quick and dirty, the slide of his hand, the push of his hips, his thoughts on Clyde, on Rani, on the times he's seen them together, caught them in the act, and he comes, and it's so good, it's emotional, and he doesn't realize he's crying before the tears are wetting his shirt.

  
12

He's gone back to the attic. At the moment he's working on a generator, trying to figure out a way to make his wind turbine work, maybe routing it into a large battery to heat water for showers, or to use the stove, and it's more difficult than he'd imagined. He tried getting Mr. Smith to help, but Mr. Smith was only a sickly yellow screen. He didn't even talk, just flashed 'NO' in large letters, so Luke gave up. It's not worth it trying to talk a computer into doing something it doesn't want to, and he's happy Mr. Smith hasn't turned himself off completely. Sooner or later he's going to need some new satellite pictures, to see if his estimations are correct. The only thing worse than knowing is not knowing.

Clyde comes up when he's in the middle of a very complicated process involving a screwdriver and two transistors, and he flinches when he feels Clyde's breath on his neck, thus negating all his work. Clyde takes the transistors from him, and puts the screwdriver away. He sits down behind Luke and kisses his neck. Before Luke really knows what he's doing he's tilted his head to give Clyde more access, and Clyde responds by licking a stripe up to his ear.

"Don't run this time", Clyde whispers, and Luke wants to do just that. Run far away, to a place where his best friends haven't randomly decided they want him. Clyde tightens his grip on Luke, as if he knows and Luke is worried about this. Worried about how far he will let this go, because he's not sure he's going to tell Clyde no, but he knows he's going to feel like shit in the morning. Or indeed two minutes after he's come.

Clyde nuzzles him, stroking up under his t-shirt to put his hand on Luke's stomach. The tension is killing him, but Clyde makes no further move, content with sitting and holding him, occasionally kissing his neck. Luke relaxes, slowly but surely, feeling warm and content. After a while he turns his head toward Clyde, stroking his cheek against Clyde’s cheek. Clyde moves his head and fits their mouths together. It is a slow kiss, lazily moving their lips and touching tongues on occasion, but not really going anywhere. The word that comes to Luke's mind is sensual, just feeling each other and idle touches. He could get used to this.

After a while they slow down even more, until they’re just leaning against each other.

"Wasn't so bad, was it?" Clyde says in a soft voice. Luke decides not to ruin the moment by asking questions, so he just nods a bit.

"Ok, I'm going to find Rani. Come down when you're ready."

Then Clyde gently untangles himself from Luke and goes downstairs. Luke lets himself fall backwards, slowly, until he is lying on the floor. He does think about getting up, finishing his work and seeing if he can salvage anything from the broken transistors, but he keeps on lying down. Feeling the buzz of touching and being touched, almost feeling high, if the times he'd smoked were anything to go on. It’s probably hunger, mostly hunger, because he doesn't usually feel like this after some snogging. Even if it was damn nice snogging.

*

He goes downstairs, after some time, and Clyde and Rani are sitting in the sofa in the living room. Someone has made some kind of stew, probably Rani, and he eats some of it. It isn't all that good, but he’s hungry, and it’s food. And he still has the acute awareness of exactly how much food they have in the house, and a pretty good estimate of the world, so he’s grateful. He supposes a lot of people have died already, old people in nursing homes, ill people, rioters taking each other out in desperation. He has a number in his head, but he thinks about the stew instead. It's grey. He doesn't grimace, and when Rani tells him to come sit with them in the sofa, he does.

  
15

Luke's been spending most of his time actually trying to make the wind turbine work. It's not going well, exactly, but he's on his way there. Clyde has been coming up to sit with him sometimes, touching him gently and kissing him, but not doing anything else. Luke thinks this is the wearing down he's afraid of, and still he can't find it in himself to push Clyde away, no matter what he thinks when he's alone. Rani hasn't tried touching him, and he's grateful for that, not because he doesn't want her (because he does, he wants them both like he's not wanted anything in his life, and maybe he hasn't, he's not sure anymore), but because that would be too much.

He's almost thinking of throwing the damn thing out (it's not like they need the stove anyway), but the stubborn part of him tells him to keep going. So he keeps going. Until he hears that sound.

*

The Doctor touches down in the living room. Luke's grateful he didn't land in the garden because Rani would have chewed him out, Time Lord or not. He's the same as Luke remembers, with the redhead girl. He steps out, looking like nothing has happened, looking like everything is just fine, and Luke wants to hit him. But he doesn't. He just stands there and looks at the Doctor, and he realizes in that moment, before the Doctor even says anything that he's not going to help. He'll probably say he won't be able to, might claim it's not his thing, but the truth is he just doesn't want to. He wants to save the human race from alien terrors, but he doesn't want to save them from themselves, and Luke can't stand around and listen to that, so he leaves without saying a word, goes back to the attic and throws his half-finished work at the wall before curling up in a ball on the floor.

  
16

Clyde doesn't show up until late the next morning. Luke has slept a bit, but not hard enough that he didn't hear the Doctor leave. He notes that the power isn't back, which makes him feel vindicated, and also nauseous. He doesn't want it to happen this way, just because his brain has calculated this as the probable outcome, and he ignored it, ignored it until the moment the Doctor was standing before him. But the Doctor is a shifting variable, he can be anything and counting probabilities with him is never easy. There was a small chance it wouldn't happen this way. But it did, and Luke's calculations aren't faulty, he knew that when he saw the Doctor, saw the look on his face that said he knew what was going on because it had already happened, and he hadn't stopped it.

He wonders about Sarah Jane, if the Doctor cares enough about his mum that he'll safe her. If she needs saving. He wishes she were here, she could have done something. Would have done something.

Clyde wraps him up in his arms, takes him to the sofa to lie down with him. It's a cramped fit, Clyde has always been bulkier than he, even though he's taller, and the sofa isn't really made for lying down in the first place, but Luke clings to Clyde, doesn't want to let him go. Suddenly he wishes they were downstairs, in Sarah Jane's bed with Rani on the other side, surrounded by them, alive. But he can't get up and move, he going to break, so he lies still and lets Clyde hold him together.

*

Eventually Clyde tells him what the Doctor said, shit about 'fixed points in time' and 'it has to happen this way', and Luke wishes distantly that he'd been there so he could ask the death count, the Doctor would know, wouldn't he, but at the same time he's glad he’s only got guesses and estimates and not hard facts. Glad Clyde and Rani don't know. Clyde tells him the Doctor gave them some stuff, helped with the garden and the sanitation, and he promised to pick up Sarah Jane, and Luke thinks she isn't coming back then. She's going to travel with the Doctor for the rest of her life, and he can't decide if the thought is bitter or not. It wasn't as if they saw each other all that much as it was, but they did talk, and he doesn't want her going off with the Doctor even though it's probably what she wanted. It will make her happy, but it won't make Luke happier thinking about it. He wishes she had died in Japan (and maybe she did, he'll never know), and then he feels guilty.

Maybe the Bane did something wrong on him. He's not sure you're supposed to feel stuff this way, the clogging of thoughts like an old bathtub, he can't wash them away, the just keep filling him up, and all of them bring something with them, feelings he can't ignore. No thoughts are safe, he can't even think of daffodils without feeling like crying or throwing up or screaming till his voice is gone. Or punching someone, but the only person close to him is Clyde, and he doesn't want to punch Clyde, even if Clyde would let him. So he does what he can do and kisses Clyde. It's not like the times before this, it's violent, almost like fighting, and Luke can taste blood from someone's split lip. He doesn't want to do this, doesn't want it to be like this between them, but Clyde gives as good as he's getting, and eventually Luke's anger diminishes somewhat, and he slows the kisses down. He's not especially turned on, it's more of a need to feel something than it is sex, and he stops kissing Clyde, before it goes any further. If this is happening, and Luke is still convinced it shouldn't, but if it is, it's not going to be like this. Not when he's torn up and angry, and not without Rani.

He feel guilty about it, guilty about stealing Rani's boyfriend away from her, about making Clyde spend all this time with him because he can't get his act together, but Clyde just strokes his hair, not even minding the split lip that's got to be sore now, and Luke takes what he's been offered.


	2. Chapter 2

20

He still spends most of his time in the attic. He comes down to eat, and to sleep in Sarah Jane's bed, but the rest of the time he just...sits. And thinks. And doesn't think. And it gets better, he thinks. Slowly but surely. With emphasis on slowly, because he still doesn't feel fine, doesn't feel like he's going to be fine, but he's getting back to his P.D-state (pre-Doctor, he doesn't even want to think the name if he can help it). And he counts the days, and today it's been twenty days since the world ended, and he's maybe getting there. Getting to the point were he can survey the damage to his country. To his planet. Because the truth is, if Sarah Jane has gone away then he's the only one left. The only one standing between Earth and alien invasion. One geeky boy genius and his depressed supercomputer. And his best friends.

His best friends, without whom there wouldn't be any protection of the earth at all. Without his best friends he'd just be a genetically engineered freak, and both he and Mr. Smith would likely be dead now. It's a strangely comforting thought, that the only thing standing between him and certain suicide is downstairs poking around their little garden. Because they're still here. Rani hasn't tried to get to her parents across half the country, and Clyde hasn't even gone home to see his mum. They're staying with him. The three of them against the world. For the world.

He does wonder what's happened with the rest of the people on the street. Bannerman Road is quiet, no one is out playing or even walking. He doesn’t know if people are huddling inside, if they've fled or if they're dead. He thinks they should still be alive, but weak from not eating. The nightly riots have stopped, people are no longer fighting in the streets for the little food left. That will also make the death toll go up, all the violence and lawlessness, and Luke can't do anything about that either, the kids starving, the women trying to protect their young, being raped and killed for fun. Luke knows what happens when societies fall apart, he's even studied it in Uni, and it's not pretty. It's as if some people are just being decent because they fear retribution, and he can see why the D doesn't want to save them this time. It doesn't make him less bitter, but it does make him feel a bit better about himself. He has tried, after all. There's nothing more to do now than survive.

 

25

He's not spending the day in the attic, he's spending it in bed. And that could have been the start of something truly, magnificently, stupid, but he's alone. Because Clyde has decided to learn how to cook and he's given Luke food poisoning. Luke is holed up in his old room with a bucket and a glass of water beside him. It's boring him to tears, the times when he's just lying there, not puking his guts up, but he gets dizzy when he tries to read and he can't sit up. He's been at it for almost 24 hours and he knows that Rani is getting worried that it's something worse. Something they won’t be able to fix. Clyde's been worried from the get go, and guilty, even though he didn't do it on purpose. Luke can't stand it when he comes up, because he just hangs in the doorway, looking at Luke with sad eyes, and when Luke throws up he doesn't go out of the room like a normal person, just stands there as if making himself sick is going to lessen his guilt.

He does get up and goes down at one point, to wash himself up in the washing shed they've put up. It's just buckets of water and a tarpaulin hung between two trees in order to give the person washing some privacy, but at least they can wash, even if it's cold. They leave bottles out in the sun to warm it, but it’s not like taking a hot bath. Luke tries not to think about winter and the fact that it's going to get really cold inside the house. He's bound to have worked out some kind of system, gotten the heating to work. Maybe they can go into town and... no, he doesn't want to think about it. His pride won’t stop him from stealing clothes from an abandoned store, but he doesn't want to plan it, doesn't want to think about it before it's absolutely necessary.

He makes his way back up slowly, and Clyde looks at him like he wants to help, but Rani holds his wrist, making him stay with her. Luke smiles at her for that. He's going to be fine.

 

28

Luke is no longer throwing up, hasn't been for two days, but he's weak, and they don't really have anything to eat. Sure, the D gave them some stuff, and the garden is actually yielding some stuff, but not anything really nurturing yet, and Luke knows they need to save. It's turned into June, and the need for an excursion outside of the house is getting more and more urgent. Soon they won’t be able to avoid it. They need to see what kinds of food they can find, they need to go to the library and look into survival books and books on preserving food for the winter.

They need so many things if they're going to survive, and Luke would go today if only because then he won't have time to talk himself out of it, but when he gets down to the living room from his old room where he's still sleeping he finds Rani on top of Clyde. Naked. And he can't find words. She's riding him like she's made for this (like the Indian Godess he's never even told her he thinks she's like sometimes), and all Clyde has to do, all he can do, is hang on. And Luke just stands there, mouth half open, because he can't find any words. He's caught them before, but never like this. Never in the middle of the living room, with sunlight shining on their skin, and they're so beautiful together, Rani's skin like silk and Clyde's strong body, the way she moves on top of him, her hair flowing down her back, her breasts bouncing, and it hits him then. It's for him. They're making it a show for him, that's why they chose this place.

Rani looks at him and doesn't even stop her pace, and he knows what they want, they want him to break and join them, but he can't. His heart is broken enough as it is, he can't add this too, be a part of them, and then lose it. He can't have that once and then look at them for the rest of their lives together, and that's going to be the rest of their lives, no matter how long or short, and remember that. Remember how they felt. He already knows how they look, how they smell and taste, how they move and it's almost killing him sometimes. Before all this, before the crisis and before everything changed he thought it would kill him, and that is probably the only upside to the shithole they're in, he can't think about his personal feelings too much, he can't think of his own fucked up situation because the world is falling to pieces. It's not much, but it's something, and when Clyde's hand finds Rani's clit and she starts moaning he goes outside. At least it's not raining, but it has been, and he takes a drink directly from the oil drum full of water.

*

They come out to find him when they're done. They've washed away most of the evidence, but they all smell. It's not like they can wash all that properly, not with only cold water in buckets, but they've made the effort, even if they still smell like sex, and Luke supposes he should feel lucky. He's sitting on the lawn, not really doing anything. He was hard when he left them, there's no way he wouldn't be, but he thought cold thoughts, and he's mostly fine now. Of course, when Rani sits down more or less in his lap his blood starts making its way south. Clyde sits down behind him, making it almost impossible to escape, but neither of them do anything other than hold him, despite the fact that Rani must have felt that he was hard. Clyde holds them both and shelters them, and Luke almost thinks this is going to be one of those strange comfort-moments.

"Why do you run?" Rani asks after a while, and he should have known better, should have escaped when he could. Clyde tightens his hold on them, not much but enough for Luke to know that they're having this conversation now, not some time in the future. He doesn't have to look either of them in the face anyway, and for that he's glad.

"Why do you want me to stay?" he asks instead of answering the question, because he thought they knew, and if they don't he doesn't want to tell them.

"Because we like you", Clyde says, and Luke knows that, he's not that stupid. Sure, he might still be a bit socially awkward, but he's not that socially awkward.

"I know", he says.

"No, we like you, like you", Rani says, and yeah, he gets that too, they wouldn't want to have sex with him just out of pity. They just don't get his point.

"You are trying to get me to sleep with you", he says, and recognises the speech patterns he reverts to when he's trying to hold himself together. That strange way he spoke in the beginning, correct but essentially useless for expressing anything but facts. "I get that you 'like' like me."

"No, you don't", Rani says.

"Why can't you accept the fact that I'm telling you no?" he says, old feeling of not understanding the world around him creeping in with the speech patterns.

"Because you're not doing it very convincingly", Clyde says in his ear, and Luke has had enough. He pushes up, hitting Rani in the back, but he doesn't care.

"Because I can't live with it afterwards when you go back to each other", he hisses, and turns on his heels. He goes back to the attic and no one follows him.

 

29

He sits in the attic, alone.

 

30

He sits in the attic. Clyde comes up one time but Luke doesn't speak to him.

 

31

He sits in the attic.

 

32

He sits in the attic. And he isn't moping, he isn't, except suddenly Mr. Smith turns himself on.

"What are you doing?" Luke says, feeling kind of stupid, because obviously something is going on. Mr. Smith is as yellow as ever, but there’s a tone of orange in there that is new.

"I didn't say anything when you sat up here because you couldn't save the world", Mr Smith says, and Luke chokes a bit. "But if you don't stop moping over your love life, I'm going to eat you."

"What?" Luke says, because that's just bizarre.

"You have your loved ones here. Go away and let me suffer in peace", Mr Smith says and the screen flashes orange, so dark it's almost red.

"I'm going", Luke says, because Mr Smith hasn't ever done that before and it's scaring him.

*

Downstairs he finds Clyde and Rani in the kitchen, making some kind of food. They look up, and Rani smiles at him, and no one talks about what happened four days ago. They eat in near silence, and while it's not exactly comfortable it could have been much more awkward than it is. Luke brings the dishes out with him, they wash them next to the 'shower stall', and he needs to freshen up. He can smell himself, and that's bad. They've gotten much less concerned with smelling, like all the things society taught them have been unlearned, but when you can smell yourself it's still pretty bad, and if they go into town now it's good to be as fresh as possible. He doesn't think there's still a functioning society out there, but hope springs eternal (or is at least more stubborn than you might think), and he wants to be at his best just in case.

He washes his hair with the last of the soap, which makes it all bristly, but at least it doesn't smell greasy any more. He wonders if they should try to find some proper scissors for cutting their hair, since it will make it easier to keep clean. Maybe he can convince Rani to cut hers shorter, but he's not sure. Clyde would probably trim his with a razor, if all the blades weren't getting blunt. They need a shaving knife if they can find one, because it will be sturdier. And Rani will need some girl stuff. He's going to have to ask her about that, because if she gets pregnant they will have a real problem. He has no idea how they protect themselves, if they even do, but he should talk to them about it. That's not really a conversation he looks forward to.

Clyde and Rani are ready to go, which doesn't really say anything, except they're wearing clothes that don't stink. Much. They need to do laundry at some point too. In fact, the list of stuff they need to do is so long it's got subclauses and varying degrees of urgency. It's colour coded. In Luke's brain that is. He hasn't written it down, because that might be too depressing.

The walk into the centre is slow. Usually they'd take the bus, but now they have to walk the entire way. They've all got backpacks with some stuff they need in case of attacks, and they've got bags for carrying the loot back. Luke still feels bad about stealing stuff, but the situation is getting extreme. They need some things really bad, toilet paper for one. And they need to find some source of protein. Canned meat is what comes to mind immediately, and beans. Hopefully there will be some of it, because Luke does not fancy trying to catch rabbits, not even with a book detailing exactly what he needs to do. He's thought about trying to grow beans, but he doesn't know how to do that. Maybe the library will know. Strangely he feels so much less apprehensive about stealing from the library. It's probably because the library is supposed to be public, all the knowledge in there is for all the people, and they really need the books. He thinks they're going to return the books when they're done with them, if there's still a library then, and people who need them.

*

In town it's quiet. Too quiet. It's eerie, but the buildings show signs of rioting, so there have probably been people around somewhere not long ago. Clyde and Rani are trying to talk, but Luke can't find any words. They go to the supermarket, and it's got broken windows, rotting produce lying around, but they do find some canned foods, not any of the good stuff, but when they leave they've got beans, lentils, chick peas and spam. Luke shudders to think how their digestive systems are going to feel after a week of that diet. They also take spices, and lots of salt. Predictably, the only stuff they can't find at all is candy, because people apparently have no self preservation.

There's a health store that Rani insists they go to, and get vitamin tablets. She says they'll get iron deficiency and other stuff, and Luke just agrees with her. She probably knows these things, brilliant as she is. He doesn't want to think about them, so he hasn't learned a lot about that. She gets a lot of things in the health store, protein powder and omega-3 capsules, because no one has raided it. They also go to a pharmacy, which still has things like paracetamol, but of course no hard drugs left. Rani takes a whole bag of various pills and contraceptives, which makes Luke happy, because he won’t have to talk to her about it.

In a flower shop they find seeds for various vegetables, and they pick up some tomato plants that have survived. It's amazing, Luke thinks, how humans have made themselves so dependent on electricity, but the rest of the species on Earth just continue on as if nothing had happened. And nothing has, really. It's the society they have built. Fifty or sixty years ago everything would have been different, and people would have survived in much greater numbers.

In the library it is silent, and almost scary. It's not the silence of people talking in hushed voices or concentrating on their reading, it's the quiet of a dead space. Just all these books around. They get in and find what they want quickly, because none of them want to lounge around in there, in the dust and gloom. Outside the sun is shining again, and it feels good to go back home.

Luke helps with the unpacking, and then he goes back to the attic. They are going to need to go into town a lot the next week, to salvage anything that can be salvaged, build up some kind of storage for the winter, and for the rest of their lives, and Luke needs to get on solving the problems with heating the house, and powering Mr Smith in the winter, but he just wants to sit by himself for a while. Not to mope, just to think.

 

35

Mr Smith has talked to him, but he hasn't been angry again, so when he starts suddenly Luke doesn't think anything is really going on. Sure, he's been hiding in the attic, but he's been down for food, and he's slept downstairs at least once, and he even went with Rani on another supplies run. So he has no reason to think Mr Smith is angry with him.

"Luke", Mr Smith says, and Luke just knows Clyde would make Star Wars jokes at that.

"Yeah", he replies absently from where he's fiddling with his wind turbine, not really trying to make it work.

"If you don't leave I'm going to play the Jonas Brothers over and over until your ears can't stand it anymore", Mr Smith says, everything delivered in an even, calm voice, so it's not until Luke actually thinks about what he heard that he gets it. He stands up quickly.

"I'm leaving", he says and hurries down the stairs. He doesn’t even stop to ask why Mr Smith would even have something like that on his hard drive.

*

The house is quiet, and he looks through every room before going outside. Clyde and Rani have obviously been working in the garden, and it's all growing nicely, as far as he can see. They're apparently having a break now, since they're lying on the grass, touching each other idly. Rani spots him coming up to them, and she tries to put some space between her and Clyde, but he lies down on her other side and puts his arms around her, resting his head next to hers and breathing in the scent of her hair. It doesn't smell completely clean, but he's learning to deal with that smell, and it's not disgusting either. He just lies there and breathes with them, and that's fine. That's ok. He doesn't need more than this, doesn't need anything else, just knowing that they're his friends and they're going to be here always is fine, even if they won’t love him as he loves them.

"I love you", he murmurs into Rani's skin, and then he falls asleep.

*

He wakes up with the feeling of having done something he shouldn't have, but he has no idea what it might be. The sun hasn't moved at all, so he can’t have been out for long, but long enough that Clyde has moved, and he's now lying in the middle of a Clyde-Rani sandwich. Clyde has turned him over somewhat, so he's now the little spoon, and Rani has curled up against him. They're not doing anything, not trying to seduce him, but he still feels a bit nervous. Clyde kisses his neck, and his nervousness increases.

"I can hear you thinking", Clyde mutters. Luke tenses some more.

"Relax", Rani says, and he tries.

"I really do like you, you know", Clyde says, and it takes Luke a while to realize this is the continuation of the conversation they had days ago.

"Yeah", he breathes, because he might as well have it now, since they both seem so determined to have it. "I know, that's not the point."

"No, the point is that you're being dense", Rani says, and he should take offence at that, really.

"Say that I am", Luke says, "then what are you trying to tell me." Clyde tightens his hold on Luke somewhat, and Luke realizes he's not going to like whatever they have to say.

"I love you, too", Rani says, and it's so very unexpected. So very, very unexpected.

"I..." Luke says. And then he stops. Because what can he say to that.

"And I love you", Clyde says, and while it doesn't sound like he's entirely comfortable saying the words he still sounds sincere. And Luke just doesn't know what to do with that.

"I... I need a moment alone, I think", he says, because running away hasn't actually worked all that well. He starts to get up, but then he leans down to give Rani a quick kiss, and then Clyde. He doesn't know what possesses him to do that, but when he finally gets to the shower place he's blushing furiously, and smiling, and he can't decide if he should laugh or scream or cry. Except this time it actually feels good.

He washes up, and takes his time about it, getting as clean as he can with their new shampoo and their soap. He wants to go back to Clyde and Rani, but he doesn't know what to say yet. Because he wants to say yes, but he hasn't thought this through, and he's sure Rani wants to talk some more. And while it would be a good idea to talk some more he wants to sort out himself first, so he goes to his old room, because he thinks Mr Smith would threaten him with strange things if he went to the attic, and he picks up paper and pen to make a proper pros and cons list.

Two hours later and the only thing written down is 'I love them'.

 

39

Things don't go back to the way they used to be, but then, they didn't actually use to be in a special way, since everything has been more or less chaos. It's more like he doesn't go back, and for once it's actually like something positive. Like he's changing for the better. Sure, it's slow and all, and he's not exactly stable yet, but he's getting there. To a place where he thinks he'll be able to actually think about it, the world, and not break down. He's getting to a place where he can finally process the things that have happened, and not be overwhelmed.

He sleeps in the same bed as Rani and Clyde, and he lets them cuddle him, he cuddles back, and it's touches and kisses during the day, all kept pretty chaste, with some notable exceptions. But they don't have sex, and Luke is grateful. He knows Clyde and Rani have sex, he can see it and smell it, but it's fine. They're trying to figure out their new dynamic, and they're doing it slowly, and that's good. It's a pace that doesn't scare him, even if the pretty frequent admissions of love and adoration from Clyde do. Rani only says it when they're going to sleep in the evenings, murmurs "I love you", instead of good night, and it is sort of nice. Clyde has more of a habit of cornering him, kissing him and saying "I love you", while looking Luke in the eyes. He doesn't doubt either of them, but it's still scary. He didn't think he'd have this, have them, but he does, he can, and he worries that he'll break them somehow. Not that they're fragile, and maybe it's himself he worries that he'll break.

*

Outside it's raining, and Rani decided that this would be a good day for laundry. They have brought back a lot of clothes and random fabric from different stores in the city, but they still need to wash the stuff they have. They have a ridiculously large number of washing powder boxes from different brands, and all sorts of sanitary products, so it's not like they're going to run out before they figure out how to make it themselves, or someone else figures out how to make it for them. So they take off their clothes, Clyde and Luke in just underpants and Rani in a bikini she found somewhere, and they wash all their clothes. It's probably smarter to do it when the sun is shining, Luke thinks, because this way it will never dry, but Rani claimed that they didn't have enough water for that, so he does as she says. They keep water in bottles inside, lots of bottles, but living demands a huge amount of it. And washing in the closest river is not an option, since it's probably even more dirty now than it used to be. In a couple of years it might be better, but Luke doesn't want to take that chance.

When they're done washing they bring the clothes and bed linen inside and hang them in the living room, where Clyde has put up some clothes lines. The stuff they don't manage to hang there they put up on chairs around the house. When they're done they dry off (and thank God for towels) and fall into bed together to get warm. It's nice, Luke is in the middle because he's so thin, and he's incredibly cold, and Rani and Clyde are both holding him, touching him. He gets turned on, and he hasn't been all that turned on in a while. He doesn't know if he should hide it or not, be ashamed, because even if they're doing this thing he's not comfortable with this level of intimacy yet. Clyde touches him, lightly, but when Luke tenses he stops and puts his hand on Luke's chest instead. They lie like that for a while, and eventually Luke's hard-on goes down. Not like it wouldn't come back with a vengeance at the smallest provocation, but still.

 

42

Luke counts the days, thinks this might be a new calendar, a new new years or something like that. He has trouble really justifying it to himself, but he still counts. It's the last day of June, and it's hot. He has spent the last few days trying to figure out a way to store heat, maybe making a large battery for the solar power they're getting, or lots of batteries tied together. He needs to find some supplies, but he's not exactly sure how to do it yet, and that frustrates him. Because it will be winter, and even though they've gotten supplies for insulating the house really well they are still going to need some kind of heat source. Because they can't make it a passive house, no matter how much they try. It's always going to leak heat out somewhere, it's just a question of how much heat. So he spends time in the attic, because that's where he can get some work done. Mr Smith seems to have calmed down now that he is trying with Clyde and Rani, and has even been helpful, in between bouts of sulking and claiming his power is running out. It isn't, Luke has checked and re-checked, but he lets Mr Smith get away with it. He's probably lonely as hell; even if the computers he had to talk to weren't very stimulating they were at least something.

Luke still doesn't feel up to dealing with the rest of the world, but he pulls up satellite pictures anyway. Not the close up kinds, just the ones where he can see if there are fires or explosions killing people. India looks really weird, and he makes a mental note to check it out later, and around every nuclear power plant there is stuff going on, probably meltdowns, and the effects of that are going to be slow and long lasting.The fires raging in parts of southern Europe, Africa and North America are far more worrying right now, but that's all he really feels up to dealing with. After he turns Mr Smith off he goes downstairs. He doesn't want to be alone, even if he doesn't want to share this with Luke and Rani.

They're in the kitchen, making food, but since it's boiling in the pan they've started making out. Rani is sitting on the kitchen table and Clyde is standing between her legs, hands in her hair. They're not kissing in that intense way that means they're about to have sex, it looks like it's more because it's cosy, but he's almost instantly hard anyway. He doesn't know what to do, so he stands in the doorway, leaning awkwardly on the door frame and presses a hand against his dick. It's like Rani has a sixth sense about these things (even though Luke knows there are far more than six senses he still thinks it's a useful phrase) and she looks at him, lips shiny with spit and a deep red. He doesn't know whether to be embarrassed about the fact that he's essentially jerking off while looking at them, or more turned on that they're looking back. He can't let go of the feeling of wrongness, that there shouldn't be more than two people in a relationship, but that's society's rules, and only this society, not all societies in all times, and this society is dead. And maybe he should let the idea of monogamy in a relationship of only two people die with it.

So he walks up to the table and grabs onto Rani's hair, kisses her in a way that he's sure will make his intent clear. She moans into his mouth, and Clyde presses up against him, kissing his neck and biting down. Luke knows this isn't going to be anything fantastic, he's going to come really quickly, and they have to eat, they can't afford to let any food go to waste, but he wants it, and he can have it, and to hell with the rules, he's going to take what he's been offered.

Clyde moves away, and Luke is standing where he stood, between Rani's thighs. She's kissing him, holding on to him and he touches her stomach, her breast. She's not wearing a bra, and he can feel her nipples through the fabric of her shirt, and it makes him even harder. Clyde is standing behind him, has put his hands up under Luke's t-shirt, and he's touching Luke's chest. It's awesome, the both of them, but he needs more, he's been turned on for days, his body waiting for his mind to give in, and he presses his hips forward into Rani's body.

"I think he's a bit impatient", she says to Clyde, and then they kiss over Luke's shoulder. It's incredibly hot, having the both of them, but at the same time them having each other, and him. Clyde finally takes mercy on him and puts his hand down Luke's shorts. The first touch, just feeling out the lay of the land, is still electric. Luke whines, and Rani kisses him silent. Clyde holds on to him, one hand around his torso and one down his shorts, and it's so good. Luke doesn't last for more than what he estimates to be one minute and 37 seconds. When he comes he feels like he's going to fall apart, but Clyde and Rani are there, and they wont let him fall far.

He's breathing hard when he comes back to himself, and smiling like a lunatic. Rani looks indulgent and Clyde kisses his neck. Luke turns his head so he can kiss Clyde on the mouth, and then he kisses Rani too.

"You didn't die", Clyde says. "Wasn't so bad was it?"

Luke just smiles and heads out to clean up. He tries to think while in the shower, washing his hair properly now that it’s short again, but he just keeps smiling. He’s happy, in that high on your own endorphins way you only get from a hard workout or a really nice orgasm. And happy isn’t really conducive to thinking deep thoughts, as he’s just discovering.

When he gets back inside Clyde and Rani have finished with the food and they eat together. It's like something is loosened up inside him, even though he knows it probably hasn't. It's just a good orgasm But he still can’t deny the feeling that things look brighter. Maybe it will turn out all right. Maybe everything is going to to be, if not fine, then acceptable. Maybe they're going to survive to build a new world, a better world, and maybe he's going to spend his life with the people he loves most, safe in the knowledge that his mum is doing what she wanted, travelling with the Doctor again, without guilt. Yeah, it looks like it's going to be a good summer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All kinds of feedback and concrit is welcome.


End file.
